The forecast this week is for snow and freezing temps in the low 20s. My chickens have a warm place to sleep but no place of protection when they go outside in this type of weather. My husband Tony built little shelters with tin roofs for them to get out of the rain and sun, but he did not build them for pouring rain or freezing temps and snow. I decided on Christmas Eve to do something about protecting my little chickens, so I went to his big MAN shop where he has everything any man could ever want or need. I just needed 6 little bungee cords to secure a tarp over the top of the little sheds. Nowhere! I am NOT kidding. The bungees were nowhere to be found. We use them every year to secure the patio furniture, but I cannot find even one. I grabbed my purse, frustrated and drove off to town. I went into Bimart and down the aisle where all good bungees should be, but no bungees. By the time I got to the checkout to ask where they were, I was crying. Ugh…… I hate when that happens. The nice lady asked if I was ok. My response was “No. My husband went to Heaven and he took all the bungee cords with him.” She hugged me, said, ” it’s okay” and took me to find them. I bought all of them.

I will back up a few months and tell just a part of the story of Tony going to Heaven. Tony became sick with COVID on September 12 this year after driving our adult son a few days earlier to the hospital for COVID test. On Sept 20th he was admitted to the hospital. I was unable to be with him because of lockdowns. On his 12th day of being in ICU, he had a heart attack. He was moved to bigger critical care hospital that same day. After his second day there I was allowed to come and be his person, his one and only visitor throughout his stay. I packed my Bible, a few clothes, and away I went. I left his side only to shower every other day. For 3 days he was awake but a bit confused due to lack of oxygen. We prayed, we held hands, I rubbed his feet, kissed his cheeks, and the top of his head. He was on a bi-pap machine, so his face was not accessible for me to kiss. He asked me to sing to him. I laughed. He never asked me to sing, I have a terrible voice. He was desperate to hear songs about Heaven and Jesus. We talked about his sickness, and he told me that if one single life was changed for Jesus through this mess, it was all worth it to him. On October 9th the day he went on the ventilator, he said “Honey, I’m not coming home”. I said, “Look at me. Look in my eyes. You are coming home”. He said, “No honey, I’m not”.

The days that followed I spent on my knees in his room. I slept only two hours each night of the 23 days I was there. I fasted and prayed continually for a miracle. When the Lord speaks to us it isn’t always in an audible voice, but mostly something you hear in your spirit. He was speaking to me and telling me we would get a miracle and I believed what He was telling me, so did the others. Tony continued to get worse over the days until he died of septic shock. On October 27 at 6:00pm he was pronounced dead. My heart went to Heaven with him.

This is not the end of Tony’s story or mine. Miracles do happen but not always the way we expect. There are many stories during the 23 days at the hospital that were AMAZING God moments that I can’t wait to write down. I know God has a plan for me. I have no idea what it is, but I am willing to let Him fill my empty heart with His goodness and grace.

The loss of Tony is so great. I miss him every minute, I miss his heart, his laugh, his smile, his I love yous, his calls to me at work asking how he can make my day better. I miss his face and his arms around me, the smell of him. The sadness becomes overwhelming at times.

I am left here to figure out all of the farm work Tony did everyday as his full-time job. I’m okay with some things but, Oh boy! I’m struggling with things like bungee cords, the tractor, prepping the garden for winter, getting the wiring done for the generators, the well pump, sprinkler system, and on and on.

If you are watching Babe, I’m doing my best for you. I have to ask though, what on earth do you need the bungees for?